Anniversary

/ / m a i n / /

hello friends:)

D and i celebrated our anniversary earlier this month and i thought i'd share abit on that here:)

it was a simple affair, really.

we had a nice lunch at arbite, desserts at a korean place and then to henderson's waves to catch the sunset.

i talked abit about these awesome lava cakes on my snapchat and insta! (both @etherealpeonies)

its really the best lava cake i've ever had.

D and i were so so happy while eating this being the foodies we are hahahha 

the white one is misugaru (korean rice tea flavour) while the green one is matcha.

i actually really liked both but the matcha one was slightly better:)

it was a rather long journey to hendersons wave because its in such an ulu location!
from vivo we had to take a bus and then walk a fair bit uphill.
arrived there just in time to catch the last bit of sunset and light :)

we took these with a tripod in case you were wondering!

since its our anniversary, must take some pictures for remembrance right?:)

esp since we climbed a long flight of stairs to reach this beautiful place!!

 super candid shot hahaha

D set it on 3 seconds timer and we were both looking so unprepared/silly when the camera clicked hahah

 there, much better hehe

 chasing sunsets.

i really like my hair colour here!
the silvery grey accents are beautiful:)
can't wait to do up the blogpost for headlines this month and show you guys more photos!

we have some glam shots but most of the time this is what we look like!!

 look at that glorious sunset :')

 us in our natural state hehe

 we look so goon here hahahha

i love anoying daniel hahaha

 beautiful beautiful evening :')

we were supposed to have dinner at poulet, but we were still really stuffed from the yummy lunch and desserts so we just bought yong tau foo and "dabao" home so that we can have a healthy dinner while watching running man!
much chillax hahah, no fancy candlelight dinner but it was a very nice, comfortable meal:)
back at home we tried to surprise each other with our handmade anniversary cards but failed haha!

cos we knew we each would have prepared something:)

 doesn't this sticker look exactly like the husky D got me from ikea?

i was so excited when i saw it in the stationery shop hahahah #cheapthrills

 <3 :')

So, with our very first one year mark, i thought it'd be nice to do a little "review of our year" kinda post here, to document our journey of love and growth. 


I guess its safe to say that the past one year has been the best year of my life thus far. Other than basking in the love from family and close friends, i got to experience love from my very first significant other.





I've already talked about how we met and stuff here, but of course that was only the start of a very incredible journey.




It has only been a year but we've reached many memorable milestones together and learnt so so much, about each other, ourselves, and most importantly, how to love.


Alot has happened but i remember every milestone and the feelings that went with it vividly. 


A year back when we were walking along the old train tracks, it felt like a scene out of the movie "na xie nian/ apple of my eye".

That day i finally understood what the term butterflies in my tummy meant when i felt his warm hands interweaving with mine for the very first time. 


Or when we had our very first official date along the river near esplanade.

We were still rather awkward and shy then.

But it was a breezy, chilly night, and I felt safe when he held me close protectively. 





Fast forward, we've gone past the awkwardness and its all a state of familiarity now.

Going back to our favourite udon place at novena once a month, or having supper at our favourite clementi prata place, or the sleepovers where we watch our weekly ep of running man.





I guess i could say its finding love in familiarity.


I feel truly loved when he plants a kiss on my forehead and strokes my hair before we sleep.


 I learnt to find joy in simple things when he cooks at home for me while i shower after we had a tiring day out. 


I started to see how much i meant to him when i try to cook for him, the pickiest eater i know, and it turns out overly salty but he eats it very happily anyway and tells me he loves my cooking (lol!).


 I started to see love in the little things, like when he uses his palm to cover that little patch of sunlight on my knees when it shines through the bus, because he knows i don't like being tanned.


 It feels surreal when he includes me in all his future, telling me that we should buy a house in bukit timah next time after he earns big bucks, or when we have a daughter how he's gonna interrogate all her future boyfriends. 

I know its all too early to tell, but it shows that he's extremely serious about us, in a very comforting way.


At the start of the year we decided to make sacrifices for each other in a good way.


 His resolution for me this year being a biweekly exercise regime because he knows exercise will help me with my cholesterol problem.


 My resolution for him being limiting of fast food to once every fortnight cos i know how bad it is for him. 


We both don't like those changes set respectively, but our motivation for keeping to it lies in the fact that if we keep to our side of the promise, it'll lead to better health for the other party.


 I found it so amusing when he asked me incredulously "Don't all boyfriends like their girlfriends in their most natural state?" and proceeded to tell me that he likes me the most when i'm at home in slouchy pjs, bare faced, with my annoying specs which slides off my nose every few minutes. 


Its also such an incredulous feeling to know someone so well, like the back of your hand. 


Every freckle, every mole, every laugh line, how his eyes form a half crescent every time i say something that unexpectedly, he finds so funny. 


How we imitate each other's reactions to certain things and its almost a hundred percent similar. 


Or when the instant i feel a sudden jolt in his feet i know it means he has accidentally fallen asleep. 





Or when he knows that when i give him that certain look it means i want him to help me take my otd pictures (haha). 


Of course i wont say that our relationship is perfect.


 I wont paint a perfect picture because no relationship is perfect. 


No matter how similar two beings may be, there will still be differences, no matter how small, because simply no two individuals are exactly the same. 





 I guess what makes or breaks a relationship lies in how significant those differences are.

Its important to have similar life values cos at the end of the day those values are the ones that inherently make us who we are and guides us in important, life changing decisions.





Its tough to sustain a relationship simple because it takes so much to keep it going, and efforts has to be from both parties.




Its cliche to say that "life is full of ups and downs", but if you think about it it makes so much sense.


 The downs in life gives meaning to the ups. 


Without the downs, there won't be the creation of hope, such a powerful emotion that makes us uniquely human. 


Without the downs, we won't learn how to cherish, because if everything is perfect we'll start to take things for granted that it was always ours to begin with.




And so, I'd have to say, we have our downs too. We make mistakes too.


There are times i'm being super temperamental and moody or pms-ing and feel like lashing out at everyone (including him) over nothing or miniscule things. 


There are times when he upsets me with insensitivity or the way he handled things. 


From that i learnt that heartache is a very real thing and he learnt that its the worst feeling in the world to hurt someone you love albeit unintentionally. 


But im proud to say that we do not fight, we do not say things out of anger, we do not say things that are untrue or hurtful. 


We talk it out calmly, listen to each other's perhaps differing point of view, understand the conflict from the other's perspective. 


In the process, there may be tears, it may be emotional.



But it always ends with a tight embrace, and at that moment all negative feelings dissipate.

It feels so silly because at the end of the day, such misunderstandings and conflicts out of stubborn headedness are infinitely minute as compared to how great a love can be.


And so at the end of it all, we love deeper and even harder. 


 Its not easy to find someone who he loves you more than you love him. 

And so, i hope we all learn to love through the seasons. 



May everyone find their own kind of love soon.

Till the next;

xoxo

Intimate Conversations

hi guys!

its me again.

i'm not sure how many of you actually like reading my 'thought posts', how many of you actually come to this space to just read about fashion, or food reviews or actually are interested in the little snippets of my life.

once in awhile i'll have posts like this one, where i talk about things that have been bothering me, or things i feel strongly for. 

it might not be the most popular content (ie. fashion/food) but this is as genuine as it can get.

recently i've been feeling quite trapped, in life, in my decisions to let social media dictate so many aspects of my life.

it feels as if i'm living my life for social media, doing things just so it can be published online to be viewed by others.

the other day in psychology tutorial, my tutor asked us if we can think of any undercurrent issues that may possibly be a large scale social or psychology related problem in future.

and the first thing i thought of was this- our obssession with social media, with the idea of a portraying a perfect life, with the conscious synonymous link between 'likes' and self-worth/value.
of course this does not apply to all, but i'm just saying an increasing proportion of people have been speaking up about this or admitting they feel this way.

i was just talking to D about this dilemma i'm facing, which actually has started surfacing a few years back when i first stepped into the commercial world of social media.

back then, my first few posts were all fashion related, i posted outfit reviews, talked about it genuinely, wanted to share with others simply because i enjoy it, it was my passion.

i loved fashion, i loved dressing up, i loved it because wearing things i like made me happy.

it was a simpler, innocent kind of joy, where i do things simply because it made me feel happy.

but then things started getting more 'professional'.

as my blog and instagram pages developed, opportunities came along, and money was involved.

i started planning my outfits to match the places i was going to that day in a bid for 'prettier photos'.

 it became something that wasn't me anymore, i no longer wore what i felt like wearing, but dressing up started to feel like...

an obligation.

a responsibility.

when i go out for my weekly brunch dates with D or with friends, i'd have to plan the whole route for the day.

which includes the brunch place, is the brunch fare photogenic?

are there any spots nearby with pretty backgrounds to take my otd?

if there are none, is there some way to reroute or nearby buildings which are photogenic?

which outfit should i choose to match the colour schemes of the chosen photo backgrounds?

all these planning, just for what could have been a simple day out.

all these unnecessary headaches and worries, just for what could have been a simple good time spent with loved ones.

its annoying, very annoying.

but i chose this route, it was my decision, and i'm not blaming anyone for it.
it might have been a bid to improve and obtain better photos for self fulfilment.
it might have been a bid to gain more attention for my work by producing something of better quality, something which is aligned with what i call the 'social norm' nowadays.
but at the end of the day, yes, it was my choice.

now, to be fair, there are some aspects which is still technically your choice, but the way social media has morphed into today makes it difficult for you to ignore some of its unintended consequences, even though you are conscious you have a choice to defy it.
you know you don't have to be like them, to do these things, but its become something like a culture, possibly your surrounding 'culture', something that is now socially recognized and accepted and liked, that you fear if you don't follow suit, you won't feel like you're in line with everyone else.
so yes, even though we all know we have a choice, as humans, sometimes we experience conflicts between our rational mind and our heart, and so, we falter, we give in, even though we know such a choice may not be the best one for our personal welfare.

i'm not as 'brave' as Essena, the popular model on instagram who shut down all her social media accounts because she was sick of that life and sick of the way she has let herself be dictated.

i still love this space very much, where i documented my growth and changes, memories over the years.

i still love the raw part of instagram, beyond the followers, beyond the likes, where its a gallery of my creative works and passion.

and i absolutely love my dayre account, its the only place i can post anything incoherently, the most genuine form and realest aspects of my life.

 from complaining about annoying pimples, to candid photos in my pjs, no makeup, no editing, to sharing about my quirky thoughts and little, mundane annoyances like finishing my study snack  before even studying.

i still love taking photos, i love taking quality photos and upping my game every time.

its one of the times i can combine my love for creativity with photography and fashion.

it trains my eye for details, for what would dictate a good photo and putting all these elements together.

and producing good photos that are up to my standard makes me happy.

its my original production.

its a mark of improvement, every time.

i guess after this whole realization, these are the aspects that keep me holding on.

i'm not saying we have to be that extreme as well, to distance ourselves fully.

what i'm saying is, don't run away from those midnight thoughts, face them.

if some inkling of feeling is creeping into your heart, that slight gut feeling telling you that something is wrong with the way you're living your life now, then listen to them.

give it a careful thought, address them.

don't compress the issues or dismiss them away, and then years later when it bounces back full force then you regret not addressing them while they were still an inkling of doubt.

so yes, take heart, be brave, have an intimate, genuine conversation with yourself from time to time to discover the fine tuning or changes needed to make YOUR life an even better one, the way the real you would want it to be.
don't blame it on anyone, on social media, because you had and still have, the power and choice to think about aspects of how you're living your life and do something about it.
and if you feel like you're not strong enough or brave enough to step away from the toxic parts of it by yourself, seek help, its the least you can do for yourself.

-chee

The Transition From JC To Uni

/ / m a i n / /

hello friends!

so as the title self explains, today's post will be a wordy, personal one, about how i'm coping with the transition from JC days to uni days.

i know many of you said i haven't been posting about personal stuff lately, which i admit is true, as i've been busy clearing ads and style/food posts.

i do talk abit about daily events on dayre though!

so... yes, the transition.

to be honest, i wasn't looking forward to uni life at all.

its taking a step out of my comfort zone, having to socialize and make friends again from scratch, going into lectures alone maybe and just, being solely independent. 

and not just that, it didn't help that my primary school friend told me that "mean girls" from her school are going to my faculty, and i was like "oh gosh why.... *sobs*"

and so i was telling D im just gonna be a loner in uni alr lol.

although uni hasn't really started for a long time, here's my take on it so far, based on the orientation camp i've been to and the "feels" i got from going to campus several times. 

in short, all i can say is, uni has popped the protective bubble i have lived in all my life.

hwachong was a protective bubble to me.

the people there were mostly similar, generally mild and good natured, with similar backgrounds.

most people were aka "guai kias", and i won't deny i'm one of them.

in hc, clubbing, smoking, drinking were generally frowned upon, and for the milder ones, even vulgarities were included in the list.

having been in this kind of environment, my mindset was kind of parallel to the list above.

and when i went to uni, where everyone is so diverse and different, i saw the lifestyles differences and had a cultural shock.

no, i am not saying the way they lead their lives are wrong, im just saying its so vastly different from the things i've seen the past 19 years of my life.

but well, i guess as you move on to a different phase of life, adaptation is strongly needed.

i used to cringe at vulgarities, but this past month, i've been exposed to it so much that i can safely say i can manage a sort of neutrality towards it now.

the first day of camp, we learnt cheers, most of which were filled with sexual terminologies and hidden meanings.

i was shocked of course, i was thinking "oh wow. everyone is so open and how are they not embarrassed while saying all these?"

so yes, the first day i was just kinda stunned and busy taking in the new environment.

the group games we played(truth or dare, burning bridges) largely involved a sexual aspect as well, 

and most of the terminologies were far beyond me.

one thing i learnt is that i shouldn't ask "eh what does this mean ah" cos its just awkward max lol!

so yes, in cases like this, just pretend to know and maintain a neutral face lolol.

in general, people were nice and friendly and i've made quite a few good friends already!

undoubtedly though, as we grow older and get exposed to the world's evils and not so pretty side, we tend to get abit more skeptical and judgemental of others.

which i have to admit, sometimes i'm guilty of too.

but as much as first impression matters alot, i hope people do believe in giving others a chance to prove those stereotypes and judgements wrong.

at the end of camp, we did this activity of writing farewell notes to each other, and the ones i received were rather interesting.

to quote a few, "you're really different from what i though you would be!"

"you're really different from what i expected you to be. i thought you were the spoiled, arrogant kind"

"at first i was really scared cos i thought you were the da xiao jie kind, got temper one, but i realized that isnt true!"

and even my ogl said "at first i thought you were the dao dao, da xiao jie kind but no, you proved me wrong".

i never knew that was the first impression i posed to others, like honestly!

but thank you guys (my og mates) for giving me a chance to show you guys who i really am, beneath that instagram facade, which i have a love hate relationship with.

sometimes, (even before this camp), while playing games like shoot shag marry, people point at me and the reason would be "becos i think she's pretty lor".

i'm not saying i agree with that, i'm just bringing this up because after this kind of thing happens repeatedly, it becomes quite saddening.

its as if thats all i am, as if thats all others see me as.

but at the end of camp, i received a few farewell notes that i'm truly grateful for.

"thank you for being so friendly to me! i'm so sorry you constantly only get comments on your looks-you are much more than that."

to those who gave me notes like these, thank you so much :')

what i'm saying is, even if this happens to you, don't let it seep into your mind, because once it does, you start to lose track of yourself, and start to focus on the material, physical aspect such that you forget the more important things you want yourself to be.

i can say this because really, been there, done that.

its a vicious little thing, feeling like you have to be perfect all the time and maintain a certain image and act a certain way to fulfil others' expectations and not let them down.

but i've realized that none of that matters, and i hope everyone does too, because you aren't living your life for others.

okay sorry for the sidetrack haha.

uni to me, is also alot about responsibility and self-sufficiency.

for me, i'm still going to work while in uni.

uni is not going to be cheap, and while i'm very lucky and thankful that my financial situation can do without working and just focus on studies, i still decided on juggling both.

for those who never worked before, i can tell you that it feels amazing when you can work to earn your own keep and not depend on others.

its a feeling of achievement and a confidence booster.

of course it takes a load off the breadwinner of the family as well.

i had to leave halfway during camp on some nights to settle work stuff and i'm sorry to my og mates for that!

but thank you guys for being understanding.

so yes, with so much on my plate, discipline is another thing thats so crucial if i want to balance work and studies well.

i'm not fully confident that i'll be able to juggle both with ease but wish me luck!!

okay, that was a lengthy post phew.

in short, to me, uni is a time to grow up, learn a lot more about life beyond books, be a larger part of society and have the time of your life.

i wasn't ecstatic about uni but really, life goes on and its all about making the most out of it :)

till the next;

xoxo 

Of Self-Esteem, Beauty, and Competitive Comparisons

hi there, just wanted to pen down my thoughts today.

i've been thinking about this issue of self-esteem, beauty, competitive comparisons for some time now, just trying to figure it out.

self-esteem in our world today seems like a very...complex idea to grasp.

i do wonder, how many people can actually surely say "i'm confident. i'm 100% happy with myself. there is absolutely nothing i would like to change about myself."

would you be able to say that loud and proud?

i know for one that as of now, i'm not able to do that.

for starters, here is an excerpt from a text i read a few days ago.
“A woman must continually watch herself. She is almost continually accompanied by her own image of herself. And so she comes to consider the surveyor and the surveyed within her as the two constituent yet always distinct elements of her identity as a woman. She has to survey everything she is and everything she does because how she appears to men, is of crucial importance for what is normally thought of as the success of her life. Her own sense of being in herself is supplanted by a sense of being appreciated as herself by another....

One might simplify this by saying: men act and women appear. Men look at women. Women watch themselves being looked at. This determines not only most relations between men and women but also the relation of women to themselves. The surveyor of woman in herself is male: the surveyed female. Thus she turns herself into an object -- and most particularly an object of vision: a sight.” 
― John Berger, Ways of Seeing

i wouldn't say i agree fully with this text, but some ideas do resonate with me (esp the ones in bold).
to put it simply,
why do we search for our own beauty in the eyes of others?
okay, i guess its natural to want to look good, to everyone and to the other gender whether you are attached or not.
most would feel a slight rush of happiness when their other halves compliment them for say, their dressing that day.
and thats normal, really.
but this i have realized, what is more important is how you feel about it.
for example, when i went shopping with D that day, he pointed at a few blue dresses and said it was nice and asked if i wanted to get it.
i could get it, wear it and look nice to him.
or, i could follow what i really want and not get it, because i feel that its a shade of blue that doesn't complement my skintone and wear something else that i truly like instead.
of course this is just a little example, it builds up to a broader, more complex perspective.
my point is, don't let your decisions be controlled by others, be honest to yourself about what you truly want.

i think nowadays, we are more and more concerned with how we look not just to the other gender, but also those of the same gender.
there seems to be some untold competition brewing.

a few days ago, someone left me some comments on askfm, which is something along the line of:

"you're really pretty! what advice would you give those who aren't as fortunate to be born pretty like you and are struggling with negative self-image?"

i am very thankful to this someone who thinks of me so highly, really.

and i'm not trying to be humble or anything but honestly, i know deep inside that i'm not able to believe in that comment entirely. 

because like many others, i find it so easy to find faults in myself that its like second nature, especially when the idea of comparing comes in.

i'm honestly not the best person to give advice on negative self-image, because i do have my own insecurities and i'm battling it day by day to the best of my abilities.

there are days when i look in the mirror and think, 

if only my thighs were thinner.

if only my hips weren't so wide.

if only my zygoma weren't so protruding.

i know sometimes its easy to say that "looks aren't everything, don't feel bad about yourself over looks."

but in reality, its hard to truly accept that and feel that way.

knowing it theoretically and actually accepting it with your heart is two different things.

i do think that we ourselves are our harshest critics.

and its hard not to be harsh on ourselves when there are so so many beautiful people in the world, and comparing is perpetuated by social media.
#bodygoals #relationshipgoals, sounds familiar?

why is it so easy to find beauty in someone else, look past their flaws, and do the complete opposite for yourself?

we're always thinking that we aren't good enough.

but do we ever think about this question,

"who are you not good enough for?"

there will always be someone out there who is academically smarter, has the socially accepted "perfect features" etc.

but we have to know that no matter how hard we wish we could be them,

its just not gonna happen.

the only thing we are and can be is ourselves.

so the only thing we can do is to make the best out of it and at least be the best that we can be.

at least thats doing yourself justice.

and its probably best not to feed your self-esteem using compliments from others, because those are but temporary and shallow measures.
of course, a genuine compliment once in awhile is a kind act.
but imagine, isn't it dangerous to rest your whole self-esteem on what third parties say?
today, someone may tell you you're beautiful, and therefore you think you're beautiful.
the next day, someone else tells you you're hideous, and then you mope and cry over it.
so, are you all that what others deem you to be?
i hope not, because thats the silliest thing one can do.

something more lasting would be to derive it from yourself, and you have to truly believe in it.

i guess the question we all have to ask ourselves is,
"who do you want to be remembered as?"
last time in school, when i had casual chats with friends, one of the common topics is about the "popular" kids.
"oh, xxx? i think she's pretty."
"oh, xxx? quite high profile one right."
at the end of the day, is that all you want others to remember you as?
i wouldn't, because that would be so sad.
and so, i realised and understood what matters more.
i want to be remembered as, the girl who prepared birthday celebrations for my friends and made cards for them, the goofy one who likes to send derp faces on whatsapp, the one who was apprehensive about telling everyone about her insecurities but did it anyway.
and many many more innate things that actually have meaning, worth remembering, worth celebrating.

and now, for social media's part to play in all these.
social media, is a lie.
a lie because it commits the sin of omission.
do not be fooled by the picture perfect lives of others on instagram, facebook.
because, we go through a selective filter when we post things on social media.
for most people, we want to remember the happy, good stuff, and so we share those moments.
what we don't see is what goes on behind the scenes.
that perfectly tousled bedhair, seemingly sleepy but still gorgeous, unbloated face with zero blemishes?
may possibly have taken hours to prep, but makes you feel bad when you look at your own wakeup face, all bloated and eyebags and all, if you fell into the trap of comparing your real life with a lie.

i know this piece may seem abit specific, choppy, incoherent and not catered to everyone but i'm piecing it together based on what i felt; my personal experiences.

so, yes, as of now, i can't say that i have learnt to accept myself, flaws and all wholly,

but i do promise that i will never stop trying.

and i hope that everyone who resonates with this post will never stop trying too.

it takes time, but i hope we'll all learn to love ourselves fully some day.

with much love,

chee.

Solace

hello, its 1:15am now and i'm here being a night owl again.

the sense of accomplishment feels really good.

finally finished the dedication book, after alot alot alot of writing.

i felt like i was writing econs essays again haha, and i actually miss it (yes i'm an econs nerd)

i sincerely hope that the book will bring some solace to the ones we're giving it to.

i know its not much but at least its something.

so why am i here and not sleeping?

because i feel disappointment and anger bottling up inside of me and i usually use this space to vent these emotions.

these people i thought i knew, are such huge disappointments.

seriously all i can say is, where are your morals?

for someone who dedicated so much of her time, effort and love for us over the years, you don't even want to spend a mere 5 minutes to pen down some thanks?

even when ali and i offered the option of sending us your message via text and we will write it for you.

not even that, seriously?!

don't you know whats called "reciprocate other's kindness"?

she spent hours and hours marking our work, even into the wee hours.

she read our reports again and again, even when we ourselves are sick of it.

she skipped lunch so that we can have consults and clarify our doubts.

and most importantly, she loved us and genuinely cared for us.

i'm really thankful to those who specially made the trip down to my house to pen their heartwarming messages.

and to those who really had a legit reason, couldn't make a trip down but still penned down the messages yourself, thank you as well.

now why am i upset?

because i'm honestly so disappointed in some.

you know who you are.

the ones who had time to go out every week,  go for fine food, publish it all over social media?

and yet have no time to do this, or simply rush out an insincere, half hearted post and make someone else do the job and write it out for you. 

some really do have a legit reason, and i understand, the sin of procrastination is not as deadly when you at least have sincerity. 

whats on the outside may attract eyes, but nothing matters if you don't have a beautiful character.

seriously, i am not the only one disappointed. 

the rest of the class is too.

there's honestly no excuse, because we all had one month to do this.

it all boils down to whether you actually cared.

through this, it shows so clearly who are the ones we should keep at our sides and those who aren't worth the time.

you may put up an angel, perfect front, but who are you really?

the rest of us can see.

(update/ those who clarified, thank you, it matters. those who didn't even bother, i have nothing to say anymore.)

Safe Haven

 "thump.

 thump.

 thump.

the calming rhythm of your heartbeat as I

lay upon your chest.

it unconsciously pulls my attention away from the film in front of us.

gladly, rightly.

warmth radiates from you.

in the night breeze, in your embrace.

i feel safe.

i inadvertently smile,

as i bury my face in the warmth of your neck.

the scent of familiarity,

or of you.

or when you cup my face in your hands,

and kiss me with all the love you have.

i feel flutters.

butterflies in my tummy.

quite often,

i'd catch you staring intently.

"what are you doing?" i ask with a laugh.

"i'm looking at you."

blushing, cheeks flushed, i try to cover my face.

"your eyes are so beautiful.

its bright, so full of life.

not everyone has that."

sometimes,

i'm hungry, i said.

i read out my long list of cravings and gush about them.

you'd laugh and say i'm a pig, a gluttony one.

but when you pull me closer and,

arm around my waist;

you'd say in forlorn

 "i can feel your bones, i can hold you with just one arm.

please, won't you eat more?"

"make up your mind mister, am i too thin or am i too round"

you pause for a moment.

deep in thought.

"you're not too thin.

you're not too round.

i think you're just nice.

perfect."

/my first attempt at a semblance of poetry, at writing.

i hope i could weave bits and pieces of the little moments into memories.

planted here, in my personal diary.

where you'd leave your mark./

On A-Level

hello everyone!

so yes, today is the day. 

the big day we got back our A level results.

for hwachies there were mixed feelings definitely.

some were over the moon, some were crying (not out of happiness).

but for me i'm just glad its all over, it provided some form of closure at least.

i teared today, but not because of results or anything, but because it finally kicked in that ms tina is really not here anymore.

seeing the school dedicate an award in her name made it all real.

its so saddening that she can't be here to witness this with all of us, but i know she will be proud of every single one of us, no matter how badly or well we did, because she was the one who personally saw our struggles in the road through this whole journey.

i know you'll be proud of me ms tina, i made sure i got As for the subjects you taught me.

my results aren't fantastic to be honest, but then again they aren't bad as well(or at least to me).

its just... average, amongst this school with so many high achievers.

and i'm proud to say that, hey, i'm totally okay with that.

i won't shed a single tear for this, never did and never will, because i don't think i've done anything worth regretting.

as long as you've honestly tried your very best for this exam, i don't think there's anything to be sad about, nor anything regrettable.

and if you didn't try your best, then learn from your mistakes and move on.

move on.

the only thing i'm probably a bit bummed about is how your grades do restrict your choice of courses.

so learning point from this?

 have backups. open up your choices. try new things and discover new passions.

don't be so fixated on ONE thing, that you'll break apart when its not yours to keep.

so now, the big question everyone is the most eager to know?

"what did you get?"

well, a good mix of As and Bs, uap 85 if i calculated correctly.

nothing fantastic as said before, but i manage to find it more or less satisfactory.

now i hope that this quells the stereotype of.....

 "oh hwachong students ah.. straight As la confirm!"

"aiya hwachong's U is other school's A la"

"u fail in hwachong exams A level will still get A one"

those above, are lies unfortunately.

the fact is that no, hwa chong students do not all get straight As.

we aren't all super smart and recite 3.1415926.. all the way to the hundredth digit in our free time.

most of us are just pretty normal, just like the rest of you.

some may say that "ehh.. As and Bs very good already what."

and i won't say thats wrong, because in the end it all boils down to your own expectations.

your own definition of what is good or bad.

it definitely differs for everyone but thats okay.

the most important thing is that you did yourself justice.

So well, i'll end off with well wishes for everyone.

All the best for the future ahead and remember to stay true to yourself.

till the next;

xoxo

Time Travels

/ / m a i n / / 

Hola there! 

So... some time back i was really bored cos it was mugging and mugging non stop nearing the exam period, so during a short break in between i dug out old photo albums to look at. 

And look at what i found!! :)

Photos from my FAV holiday ever, New Zealand:) 

It doesn't matter how young i was cos surprisingly i can remember everything so vividly, perhaps cos i really loved every moment in that beautiful countryside, that beautiful country. 

I did up a post about it before, if you guys are keen you can read it here! (cos im not gonna repeat the same things in this post haha)

I was BFF with the sheeps back then hehehe.

On the train where they had this fake steering wheel thing for kids to play??

 hahaha, check out my pack of nerds sweet. #nerdysinceyoung?

My dolly the sheep!! 

On a side note, see i wasn't kidding when i said i had bangs my whole life XD

One of my fav pics in the set:)

There's just something about this picture that i can never emulate again. 

Real, sincere childhood joy? 

The feeling of not having a care in the world.

Hahaha and this one! 

I guess the horse thought my bro's hair was grass??? 

Believe it or not my bro used to be the king of mischief, this serves as pretty good evidence!

Megawatt smile since young? check! hehehe.

And i was rocking different variations of those floral pants hahaha. 

I think my mum must have bought em' in bulk or something!!

What a pity this turned out blurry! Those are horses at the back~

Posing since young hahaha so embarrassing!

This was in a cable car i believe? 

My bro looked cute hehe.

<3

"What do you mean my sweater is made out of my best friend dolly the sheep T.T ..."

Gorgeous scenery ain't it? 

One day i'll be back here at this exact spot and relive the moment all over again.

And maybe force my bro to do the exact same pose here hahaha!

We were such posers hahaha

thankful that i had such a wonderful childhood.

on a side note, life has been very very good to me lately.

every moment is filled with such happiness i haven't felt in a long long time.

gonna cross my fingers and hope that my luck won't run out so soon cos next week is results release day!! -cries-

all the best to everyone!!

till the next;

xoxo