etherealpeonies

 It was the day before i left Nepal when i heard the news that an AirAsia flight QZ8501 was missing.

At that time, i found out that 1 Singaporean, 1 Malaysian, 1 Briton, 3 S.Koreans and 149 Indonesian passengers were on that flight.

Never ever, would i have imagined that someone i knew would be on that flight.

An hour later, our class whatsapp chat was flooded with news that our form teacher, Miss Tina was on that flight.

At that moment it didn't sink in. I felt numb, indifferent, blank.

It just didn't seem real that you were really on that flight, Miss Tina, it didn't. 

It finally sank in when more and more news reports with your face and writeup appeared online, on TV and on the newspapers.

"Hwa Chong Institution teacher among missing passengers on QZ8501"

My heart broke.

No this could not be happening.

I just saw you weeks ago at prom didn't I?

We took lovely photos.

And graduation day. 

You were like our proud mother hen seeing us graduate from HC.

You gave us our bears and jokingly warned the guys not to hug you on stage.

And what about all that said we'd do together in future?

You would be there for us, a few months down the road in March.

You'd be the one personally handing us our A level results.

Tears of joy or disappointment, we promised we would get through it together.

You would be proud of us, no matter what our results were, because we didn't survive these 2 years alone.

You were always there with us. 

And what do we do now?.. 

All of us are constantly refreshing our news tabs, awaiting your news.

I am constantly checking your last seen on whatsapp, hoping it'll show something other than last seen on saturday. 

But now, reports state that the plane you were on is likely to be "at the bottom of the ocean".

The thought of that is so, so painful and heart wrenching.

I really don't want to believe that that is what happened, i just want to throw that thought out of my head and pretend it never existed, but the rational side of me tells me that as painful as it is, it is an option that is highly likely, and it hurts so bad.

We're all trying to stay optimistic because we want you to know that we are never giving up on you.

"Java sea is reportedly not that deep, 64m they said. Its possible to have survivors."

I believe that every single member from S74 is praying for you so hard right now.

We're holding on to every inch of hope there is because you mean so much to us and tears just keep flowing as worry piles up.

I know there's nothing we can do for you now but pray our hardest.

But rather than just let the media label you as a "Hwa Chong Institution Biology Teacher", i want to let everyone see who you really are, as a teacher, as a person, as our friend.

Your first encounter with us was when you were still a trainee/new teacher remember?

You sat in on our project work class by the side.

We were looking at you curiously wondering who this new quiet, reserved teacher was.

You proved us wrong as you eventually became our biology teacher and project work teacher a few months on.

We had loads of fun in class, you always pronounced words in your unique accent and called our names funnily, but thats how little moments were created, just between you and our class. 

 You were young and relatable to us on many levels, and soon we grew really close.

Do you remember this picture?

It was during Teachers' Day last year, when you performed on stage with your super cool guitar in a "teachers only rock band" we didn't even know existed,

We made this huge card saying "tRNA we love you!!" (tRNA was a pun on your name tina)

and our whole class stood up and shouted that when you stepped on stage.

You were so shocked that this class is so crazy and gave us the "omg i don't know you guys!! can yall sit down PLS, im so embarrassed" look.

But i'm sure you knew, deep down we were your biggest fans that day.

Can't quite recall what occasion this was but it was the day you bought us teh-bing.

And were totally cool with helping us as we attempted to break the Guinness record for "most people in a selfie". 

 And, you're the only teacher who takes this kind of selfie with us haha.

You were and always will be young at heart.

This was when you randomly photobombed us one fine day after morning assembly as we took a picture!

 And you never said no to a proper photo when we asked.

Looking at this photo reminds me of our daily morning conversations.

After a year of observing your fashion choices, S74 came to the conclusion that your favourite blouse was this purple one.

And every time you wore something new we'd be like "Wah miss tina new dress is it!!" and then you'd give us your signature "roll eye" look and we'd all laugh.

Even the class next door laughed at our silly convos.

Or when you have a little bit more makeup than usual like lipgloss, then we'd niao you and say "wah miss tina going out for date today is it!!" and bug you to show us a picture of your boyfriend.

And then you'd be shy and say "don't want lah!!".

Now, kaypoh us finally know who/how yr bf looks like, but we'd never want to find out this way, via the news as he was asked about you. 

In fact, if you just come back safely, we'll never bug you or niao you or annoy you anymore, a promise is a promise. 

I still remember last year i was featured in our school magazine because of the blogshop article.

And then after class you told me "wah i really want to support the blogshop you model for leh! But got my size anot!" and we both laughed and talked about girly stuff like shopping and clothes, just like teenage girls. Just like friends.

Studies wise you were a big part of it as well.

As all JC students know, PW is... mostly seen as a "burden" to alot of students.

It was a subject we had no idea about. 

All those PIs, written reports, EoMs and whatnot.

But we were so lucky we had you as our PW teacher, because when it came down to serious work, you got things going and made sure we produced work of standard.

You drilled our oral presentations with us even though it meant staying back till late evening.

And it paid off.

This was the day we called you our "PW goddess".

It was your first year teaching PW and our whole class got A.

 Everyone is really all smiles, and its not too much to say that this was all possible because of you.

 This was our very first professional class photo.

You totally blend in with us really!

 And the last day of school.

You kept your promise of treating us to pizza and we were sooo happy because really we're such gluttons.

It was something we bugged you about months back and you never forgot about our little promise, even though we were actually kidding when we bugged you about it.

 And this.

Merely 2 weeks ago.

 Thank you for turning up for prom even though you really didn't have to.

And for telling us how dashing/pretty we looked that day.

I could see how proud you were of us, for making it through all the way till where we are today.

I've said all i wanted to say in this post, and i know that it isn't enough to show how important you are to us as our favourite form teacher, as a friend, as family.

But i just hope that people, non HC-ians, HC-ians, the media, will not just see you as a "Hwa Chong Biology Teacher", but as who you really are, Miss Florentina Maria Widodo.

(Note that this post is not meant to be published anywhere else. I can't believe i have to say this so explicitly, because i just got notified that a certain newspaper company published my article almost word for word and used pictures posted here without consent, which is simply, unacceptable and disrespectful. Please, just respect our wishes and don't do things like that. Its the least you could do.)